Obsessing over your “ums” and “ahs” doesn’t eliminate them. It multiplies them.
That’s the part nobody tells you. Most public speaking advice treats filler words like a disease to be stamped out at all costs. Count them. Catch them. Cringe every time one slips out. But here is the home truth: the more attention you throw at something, the bigger it gets. Filler words are no exception.
The Obsession Trap
Think about it like this. Tell someone not to think about a pink elephant, and guess what shows up front and centre in their mind? The elephant. Every time.
Filler words work the same way. The moment you start hyper-monitoring every “um” mid-sentence, you split your focus. Half your brain is trying to deliver the message. The other half is playing the role of a self-appointed filler-word inspector. That split is exactly what causes more stumbles, more loss of focus and more of the very thing you are trying to avoid.
You are not eliminating the habit. You are feeding the habit.
Nobody is Counting But You
Here’s something that will take the pressure off immediately: your audience isn’t tallying your “ums.” They are not sitting there with a counter, marking off how many times you “um”. The audience are listening for value, for clarity, and for the information that you are sharing with them.
A few filler words here and there? Barely registers. It is normal everyday speech. You are unlikely to notice or care if you were using filler words and “uming” in a phone conversation. It is human. Even the most polished speakers you admire use them; you just don’t notice, because you are not listening out for them.
Former US President Barack Obama did exactly that when he was making speeches and yet very few people, if any ever said that he wasn’t an excellent public speaker and speech maker.
You are your own harshest critic in the room. Everyone else is just trying to follow along.
What Actually Deserves Your Attention
If perfection isn’t the goal, what is? Substance. Confidence. Connection.
Instead of micromanaging every syllable; firstly, relax and then put your energy where it helps to deliver an impactful presentation:
- Know your material: Clarity of thought reduces your use of filler words naturally, because you are not scrambling for the next idea it is already in your head and has been there for a good length of time.
- Slow down: One of the key reasons you use filler words comes from rushing to fill silence. Pausing feels awkward to you, but it reads as confident and deliberate to everyone else. Pausing is far from a weakness, it is the opposite it demonstrates both poise and confidence, which then transmits immediately to the audience.
- Forget keeping score: Drop the internal tally. The second you stop grading yourself mid-sentence, your delivery smooths out on its own.
These are just a few simple ways to take the pressure off when speaking in public. For more practical advice, read these tips to improve your public speaking skills.
To Conclude
Perfection is not the mark of a great speaker. Presence is.
The speakers who command a room are not the ones who never say “um.” They are the ones who don’t let the odd filler word now and again throw them off their game. They keep moving. They stay locked and focused on their message. That’s the difference between someone who sounds rehearsed and someone who sounds real, relaxed and natural.
So, the next time you catch yourself mid-“um,” don’t spiral. Don’t apologise. Don’t restart the sentence. Just keep going.
You can now stop policing every little thing that you say and begin to see how much stronger your speaking gets.
If you are tired of worrying about every little thing you say when speaking in public, it may be time to change your approach. Ashley Boroda can help you build greater confidence, communicate more effectively and feel more comfortable in front of an audience. Get in touch to find out more.
