Writing a best man’s speech or delivering a eulogy are two of the most daunting public speaking challenges you’ll ever face. The settings couldn’t be more different — one is full of joy, the other filled with sorrow — yet the writing process has surprising similarities. Both require a balance of sincerity, storytelling, humour and respect, delivered in a way that resonates with a mixed audience.
Although not part of my regular professional offering, I am from time to time asked about making a best man’s speech. I do think, that having done it, there is a safe formula which can be followed and as a consequence, you get an impactful and funny speech that works for everyone, which is not an easy task.
Recently I was asked, for the first time, how to deliver a eulogy. This question took me by surprise and I decided to give it some thought and come back to the person in question with what I hope was some helpful advice. While thinking about how to respond I starting to consider that the process and the formula for writing a eulogy is a very similar writing process needed for a best man’s speech. The differences are tone, tense and timing.
The Best Man’s Speech
Tense, Tone and Timing
- Present tense, with nods to past and future
- Upbeat tone
- Fast and snappy pacing
Audience Considerations
A best man’s speech is a tribute to the groom (or both partners in a same-sex or transgender wedding). The challenge is the audience — a mix of family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances, all of whom know different sides of the couple.
Suggested Ingredients
- Short and sweet (5-8 Mins)
- Strong start (often a self-deprecating joke)
- Two funny stories about the groom
- One story about the couple and hopes for their future
- A few kind words about the wedding, setting and families
- A toast
Writing Tips
- Think of it like a pantomime script: jokes at different levels, so everyone feels included.
- Mix stories that will land with different groups in the room.
- If you lack material, don’t be afraid to invent a light-hearted anecdote.
- Truthful stories usually get the biggest laughs — don’t try too hard.
- Check your draft with close friends to make sure your choices feel right.
Examples
- Two-layer humour: Sir Ian McKellen as Widow Twankey in pantomime
- What not to do: the awkward best man’s speech in Four Weddings and a Funeral
The Eulogy
Tense, Tone and Timing
- Past tense
- Sincere, respectful, heartfelt tone
- Slow and considered pacing
Audience Considerations
Unlike at a wedding, the audience at a funeral is united by grief. People are supportive, knowing how difficult the task is, but the atmosphere carries tension. This can make a gentle, tasteful joke surprisingly powerful — breaking the tension and offering a moment of relief.
Suggested Ingredients
- Short and respectful (5–8 minutes)
- Strong start (acknowledge the honour and difficulty of speaking)
- A joke or light moment to break the tension
- Two stories about the deceased (one heartfelt, one with humour)
- Tribute to the loved ones left behind
- A final memorable line of farewell
Writing Tips
- Use humour carefully, but don’t shy away from it — even small moments of laughter are welcome.
- Share affectionate anecdotes alongside respectful reflection.
- Focus on celebrating the person’s life, achievements and impact.
Example
- Billy Crystal’s eulogy for Muhammad Ali — heartfelt, funny and deeply moving.
Conclusion
Whether at a wedding or a funeral, the core purpose is the same: to honour an individual and connect with the audience. The structure is remarkably similar — the key differences lie in tone, timing and emotional context.
Get those elements right and you’ll deliver words that matter — whether you’re raising a glass or saying goodbye.
Need help with public speaking, whether it’s preparing for a best man’s speech, writing a eulogy or presenting at work?
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